I really hope no one looks at Tanner and me and thinks we have parenting figured out because we definitely don’t. We have only been parents for two years and we are just starting to head into the terrible twos with Lillian. This week has been an especially rough week too, and I am just wondering when things are going to start to settle down a bit.
Lillian isn’t doing anything wrong. She’s a toddler! It is hard to be that young but have so much emotion and feelings you want to get out there. It is especially hard when she still isn’t talking. It is frustrating for her to try to get her feelings and needs across to us, and it is frustrating because we just want to help her better understand things and how to express herself.
Lillian’s first year of life—minus the birth/NICU experience—was so much better than I ever expected it to be. She was such an easy and happy baby. She was, and still is for the most part, an amazing sleeper. She would eat everything we gave her; it was awesome! I think going into the toddler years I expected that to all continue with a small dip in behavior. She is still an extremely happy child, but she also is extremely sensitive (just like her Mama). I am also more sensitive than usual being pregnant, so it just makes for some fun times in our home…there are a lot of tears from the two of us, and we will leave it at that, haha.
There are a lot of changes happening, or that are going to happen, in Lillian’s life. She just turned two, we moved a few months ago, and she is going to become a big sister. There is a lot for her to take in. I wish I could better help her to adjust, but it is really hard to know what to do when the communication is lacking because she is behind in speech. Luckily, she is going to be going to speech therapy soon, and I just really hope that it can help her and me better understand each other.
The poor thing has just been having a rough couple of months, and this week has been pretty rough on her too. She suddenly gets very upset (like the most massive toddler fits I have ever witnessed) when it comes to bedtime and nap time. I don’t know what has changed in the past three days to make her dislike her crib so much, but it has been rough. We usually don’t let her sleep in our room with us, but the first night we caved because it was so late and we were all so drained from that day.
I am so glad to be Lillian’s mom, and I know she is a special kid with a lot of amazing things to accomplish in life. Sometimes we just have some really tough weeks where I get really nervous about how everything is going to pan out. The worries of being a parent will probably be something I experience every day for the rest of my life.
There is a lot weighing on my mind. There hasn’t been a single day since I’ve become a parent that I haven’t been worried about her. I don’t think we will ever stop worrying about her. I have been so conscious of her development because of her birth, that I can’t think of a time where I felt like things were going to be fine and that everything would pan out. I always have her birth and the very likely possibility of her having brain damage in the back of my mind. I am hopeful that she will be able to live a normal life. I am probably being dramatic, but if you were there for her birth and got the sit-down talks we got from the neonatologist that we got, you’d better understand where I am coming from.
We are so blessed that she is able to function and develop as amazing as she has. Her being able to crawl, walk, feed herself, and really just everything she can do is amazing. She really is only delayed in speech; everything else is developing normally from what we are told and what we can see. It has just been a long waiting game. These first two years have been crucial.
Parenting is rough, I am sure I am not the only one who will admit this, or who feels this. Although parenting can have its rough moments, the amazing moments we share with Lillian are worth every tantrum she has. Being able to raise a child and watch them grow and become uniquely themselves is one of the best parts of parenting.